So I know this isn’t a story or anything like I usually do, but I felt like today I was going to do something a little, personal. As I was watching How to Get Away With Murder, beautiful show by the way, it got me thinking about my life and some of my past relationships and how they differed, intimately I mean. I feel like everyone has had this, but we as a society hold sex in such a high taboo we don’t even dare talk about it, but I think we should. It’s the elephant in the room so to speak.
Yes you’ll always remember your first time, even if it was with no one special or things didn’t turn out like you hoped, but do we ever look at why things didn’t turn out right? I’m no sexual deviant, but with my relationships I’ve noticed something completely different with all three. The first was a typical fuckboy that everyone questioned why I even gave the time of day, but he had a dick so why not right? It was just a shame he didn’t really know how to use it, or even care in figuring things out together.
Now with my ex, things were different. We were a couple. I thought we had loved each other, but the sex wasn’t mechanical. I think that was something new. We explored each other’s bodies. We wanted to explore. I knew every nook and niche of his, and he mine. It felt like, sex was on a completely different level. A simple touch on my hand was enough to send sparks behind my eyes. Half the time we didn’t even completely have sex, we were just feeling each other. And I think that’s the difference from a “fuck buddy” or “friends with benefits” and being in a relationship. Even a one night stand is nothing to what sex can really be. I also think we have been taught to fear sex and this represses a lot of understanding in why we want certain things. You couldn’t imagine the amount of times a “straight” guy has asked me to “experiment” with them, and then I think they hate themselves because they don’t understand the pleasure and think it’s a bad thing to figure out yourself.
I write this because even with this recent man I’ve been with, it’s just not all there. It feels so mechanical and one-sided, like he doesn’t want to be in the moment, but loves the pleasure. He’s afraid of what everyone would think if they knew he liked having sex with men, and it’s such a bad thing to think of yourself. We shun the self, and try to be what society tells us to be, and it’s unhealthy to not accept that pleasure is okay. It doesn’t have to be so mechanical. You can have fun. I guess my view is just different from the many and I wish people would just see what they’re missing, and accept that this isn’t “just a phase.” We are all people. Different. But beautiful. Our needs are all different from each other and I think it’s the most beautiful thing when someone finally sees themselves and just lives life. And there’s my sex life/philosophy on pleasure and just life in general. I’m sorry if you got offended, or disgusted, but I find it interesting and somewhat sad that sex has gotten to this.
Everyone should be in it for the pleasure for everyone involved, and not just for the hell of it. Make love not sex lol…